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If I had a pound for every time BT and Ofcom had proudly boasted that 99% of the country has access to broadband, I’d be paying for a nationwide fibre network out of my pocket change.

The problem is it’s not true. At least not true in the sense of what you and I would call “broadband” in 2010 – a connection fast and reliable enough to play even standard definition shows from the BBC iPlayer, for instance, or swiftly download a self-assessment tax form.

BT and Ofcom use the same definition for “broadband” today as they did a decade ago, when we were gawping in awe at 512Kbits/sec lines – “always-on services, offering data rates of 128Kbits/sec and above”.

The internet’s changed; BT and Ofcom seemingly haven’t noticed. As a councillor from South Derbyshire, where a quarter of the residents of one village claim their actual connection speed is below 512Kbits/sec, said yesterday: “We’re getting small businesses not able to survive because they can’t get reliable broadband. It’s so poor, especially at peak times, that it drops out completely.”

Yet, when BT were asked to comment on the situation it responded with: “Almost all of BT’s exchanges across the UK support broadband speeds of up to 8Mbits/sec, ensuring that rural areas in the UK enjoy a high level of broadband availability.”

They just don’t get it, do they? Nobody gives a hoot what speed the exchange is capable of – they care what speed they’re getting on their PC. And that’s plainly not good enough for millions of people across the country.

If Britain’s ever to get the broadband network it needs, three things need to happen:

1. Broadband = 2Mbits/sec and above

Ofcom’s official definition of “broadband” must be raised to 2Mbits/sec and above. The Government’s set the target of universal of 2Mbits/sec connections by 2012; the regulator needs to drop its decade-old definition and raise its sights too. As long as BT’s allowed to get away with claiming 99% of the country can get broadband, nothing will be done to rectify the appalling speeds experienced in large parts of the country.

2. 2Mbits/sec must mean 2Mbits/sec

The Government’s set this vague target of nationwide 2Mbits/sec connections, but no-one’s prepared to define exactly what that means. Does it mean “up to 2Mbit/sec”, which is actually meaningless? Does it mean 2Mbits/sec at the exchange? (BT will claim it’s already done this, as we’ve seen above.) Or does it mean consumers genuinely seeing 2Mbits/sec throughput in their homes? Ask the Government and you’ll get a different answer every time.

The Digital Economy Bill is passing through Parliament now. The peers and MPs must ensure it’s clearly stipulated that the speed guarantee means an actual 2Mbits/sec data throughput in people’s homes and businesses. Anything less isn’t worth the paper the bill’s written on.

3. Price caps for lines slower than 2Mbits/sec

Why should people suffering from appalling speeds pay the same as someone in a city centre with a 20Mbits/sec connection? Ofcom must prevent BT and other ISPs charging customers any more than £5 per month for connections with an actual throughput slower than 2Mbits/sec. Who wants to bet that BT will suddenly find it can afford to sort out sluggish “broadband” connections if its bottom line is under threat?